Emerging Emotions

My son loves to read.  Everyday, he asks to be read to.  Sometimes, it requires immense discipline to keep up with his desire to sit in our lap with a book.  It puts me to shame whenever I deny his request.  I make every effort to hone his love of reading time.

Today, as I was reading "The Velveteen Rabbit" to him, he began to get upset over the fact that the stuffed rabbit had to be destroyed after the boy's illness.  Somehow, even at age 2.5, my son understood that the rabbit was being separated from his owner.  My son, asked me lots of questions at that point and interrupted our reading. "Where is the boy, Mommy?". "Why is he on the floor in a bag out in the yard, Mommy?"

And then, he translated the rabbit's loss by looking for his own stuffed dog.  "I want Harrod, Mommy."  He got out of my lap and went to hug Harrod.  Then we returned to reading.  Of course, the book ended positively.  My son only needed to wait till the end of the book.

It amazed me that my son could understand/feel a deep emotion at such a young age.  As we all grow, emerging emotions change us.  I am touched that my son is a sensitive and loving little guy.  I am further encouraged to continue to invest into his heart, mind and being those things that are noble, kind and good.

What are you feeling today?

I Love You

My darling husband came home from work today and decided to mow the lawn, weed his garden and supervise our sweetheart son while I enjoyed a few moments of peace and quiet in an air conditioned room.  As if this kindness is not enough to say, "I love you" in more than words, he brought home some flowers from our garden and put them in a vase for me.

My heart is swelling with love.  My mind is happy.

Have you said, "I love you" in action today?

We had a wonderful beach day yesterday.  Our son took happy little steps as he walked into the water.  Just feet wet at first, soon he sat down and in no time, he was on his tummy, allowing the waves to roll over his head.  Magic in nature!  Even the playground could not keep him away from the call of the water.

I am thankful for the few hours at the beach with family.  Take your family and have fun at the beach!

A Good Mother

Rightly or wrongly, my first thoughts as a mother was that I was unworthy to don this title. "I am a bad mother" echoed in the dark halls of my mind when my son was born. What had I done? Who had I been? Where did I come from? How had I become immersed in such negative thoughts?

Some say it was the lack of Serotonin. Others claim it was hormonal fluctuation. Still others said it was the stresses I endured pre and during pregnancy. There were those who called for a return to God's embrace, suggesting I had become "the lost sheep". There were those who said I am being refined by the Refiner's Fire.

I care little about the what, who, where, when, or how. I only wanted to know if there were any truth to that statement. If so, how could I become a good mother?

"Salvation" came in flesh and blood form. Hand in hand, heart to heart, my husband and I suffered, cried, and wrestled together. He sheltered me from the accusations, denials, and sorrows. He became my hope. He pointed to the every sunrise and its promise of a brand, new day. He is my God-send.

I am a good mother. I can be a "good-er" mother. So can you.

One Day At A Time

My son is now 2.5 years old, and I still live by the old adage, "one day at a time". I can't remember who suggested this to me, but there are days when I cannot sort out where the start and end is. Postpartum depression is not something I chose as part and parcel of starting a family. I imagined bearing a child as one of life's happiest events.

Am I unhappy today? No, this is not true. Just last night, I sat in our living room with my husband and felt utterly contented. I had no wants and lacked nothing. I would choose to re-live that moment again. How about you?